_{And now, welcome back to}

The Forum Newsletter

                 Issue #23

The Forum Newsletter missed the New Year, so we're happy to present SUPER HAPPY FUNTIME DOUBLE FEBRUARY BLOW OUT EXTRAVAGANZA ISSUE!

Or The Forum Newsletter Issue 23, big and bad and ready for action with one hell of a best-of worst-of section that you won't be able to miss.

Past Newsletters

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      Forum Sticky

Forum News

A Game of Guess-Who
We received this in our Forum Newsletter inbox (aka bohobella's notes). The story goes, this is a private message sent from one popular forum regular to another. Who could it be? Where is the butthurt? Will we ever know? Start your conspiracy theories now!

"I don't know your age or shit about you, but STOP IT NOW! You may think you're cute or cool or whatever, but stop this fucking shit! You're pissing off a lot of us off and you don't want that. Complaints is for those who can handle themselves and know shit, not for faggots who hide behind faggot nazis! You need to learn respect or I'll make sure your life on DA is miserable!"



A Word from your Father
momscandalplz and I first met when we were young. I loved her and I thought she was beautiful, but I was most probably blind back then. Regardless, we both loved each other a lot and we decided to get married. We had many, many, many children. In fact, we had so many children that I don't believe I remember all of them. I love each and every one of my children equally.

However, I came to notice that momscandalplz had been spending quite a bit of time with a certain billy goat who I shall not name. I found out that she had indeed been having an affair with said goat, and we promptly divorced. Recently, I learned that she has been drinking and doing drugs. I also believe that she is a prostitute.

Anyway, I love all my sons and daughters all the same despite the fact that I can't keep track of them all. I worked in a coal mine, and I became a very tired old man. I am currently in the retirement process, and one of my favorite hobbies is golfing.

Love,




A Public Service Announcement Concerning Epilepsy
I started having seizures around the age of 9. It was very good and bad, for while I did get my mother's attention, I had to put up with the many seizures. I never did get to bond with the rest of the family. Cool was busy having sex, Fancy was reading, and Heavy was drinking. So I mostly played with myself day and night.

After my 25th birthday, I decided to finally accomplish something with life and asked my mother if I could start a photography class. She agreed and I bought a digital camera. Unfortunately, the flash from the camera caused me to seizure...which made me have to quit photography. Mother told me you couldn't turn the flash off.

Now, I live with Mother. I keep in touch with my brothers but it's very rare to see them.

Sincerely,



A Posh News Article
As a child, my mother would never have time for me so I grew up in the library, learning to be posh. When I left my ungreatful mother, I moved to England and eventually through my wine tasting prowess, became the leader of the country club.

I do not hold any love for my mother, my books raised me more than she did. Father however has become classy like myself and plays golf, and I do forgive him on walking out on us.

These days I like to travel the country tasting wines and fine cheese. Occasionally I visit my brother heavysighplz since both he and I are so very similar.

xox,



...Sigh
From the desk of ,

As a child I was bullied in school, this forced me into a deep depression and started my heavy sighing. I tried to speak with my mother about it but she was preoccupied with my many siblings especially seizure plz, he was always such a handfull.
When I became sulfsuficient became convinced that my depression was a burden on the family and left a letter detailing this to my mother before cutting off all ties with the family.
I also became a heavy alcoholic who drank red wine primarily but once in a while tried stronger drinks discluding scotch.

Recently I came in contact with my brother fancyscandalplz and decided it was time to speak with my family again. I learned that my letter had been mistaken as a grocery list and disposed of before anybody could read it. I was unhappy with this. I tried to reconcile with my mother but she had basically left me to raise myself and I could not bring myself to, fortunately, she finally admitted she had not raised me well.



Not a regular of the Suggestions Forum?
Let's be honest: It's not the best of forums. But if you ever wanted to know what drugs they smoke there, here's a synopsis of some of the best drama as of recently.

All you really need is this link: forum.deviantart.com/devart/su…

The local lolcow, CReevesABudd, spammed bohobella's thread, claiming it needed to be locked when it didn't. CReevesABudd contacted #MNAdmin, MNs and the Help Desk all in efforts to report bohobella AND the thread, and of course to somehow speed up the process, continued to spam the thread and any reply in it (all while blocking bohobella amongst others).

The whole thing ended when several MNs and fourteenthstar herself stepped in to put CReevesABudd in their place, who still felt they were somehow a victim here. The hilarious part? All the drama caused by CReevesABudd in an effort to get rid of the suggestion ended up getting it extremely noticed and fourteenthstar took it quite seriously.

But why, why did flip out like this and want the thread locked so badly when it clearly followed all guidelines (and is still unlocked)?

Because the author of the thread had gotten one of CReevesABudd's threads locked earlier that day.


DRAC'D
There was an epidemic in early December when many users were claiming to be drac'd - Hacked and deactivated. DameGreyWulf was one of many examples. This sparked tons of drama between many over losing deviations, reactivation, our protection, etcetera. While it may have gotten out of hand, one important thing was worth noting: There is now a seven day period once one deactivates during which one can undo the deactivation.

Forumer Featurette

      Suntro!
Suntro is pretty damn talented. Many a Pokemon and trollfaces were drawn at my house recently by Suntro, and the joy his art brought is reason for this feature.

:thumb147686189:

Your Fix of the Month - Dr. Mnga!

Dear Dr. Mnga,

Minorities stole my job. I have 100 XP in burger-flipping, I can speak fluent Klingon, and I do absolutely nothing with my life. Clearly, I am the most qualified candidate, but the law says that 50% of an employer's new hires have to be minorities, or they will have to pay a hefty fine of one zillion dollars. How do I get my job back from minorities?

-Jobless in El Paso

Dear Useless,

That's not a law, you're just a terrible prospective employee. Go into prostitution. The pay is better.

Dear Dr. Mnga,

I am a nice guy. I spend years pretending to be friends with attractive women because I hope they will eventually decide to have sex with me, and I'm never honest about my sexual desires for any of them. And yet, for all this, it seems like my jerky friends get a lot more action than I do. Is this because women like to be treated like dirt, or is it because women should stop being so shallow?

Dear The Nice Guy,

It's because your jerky friends wear pheromone spray and romance-attracting crystals. Clearly, your own behaviour has nothing to do with your loveless state.

-Prince Charming in Reno

Don't forget to send your questions in to mngamojemo for next month!

WTF of the Month

      Deviations that make us cringe!

The Wisdom of the Whores

      TheComplaintsTavern Regulars share their thoughts & brilliance...
No one sent any. They aren't so smart now.

Forum Interview

      's interview with

Inspired by ToySkunk's IRL engagement, and the drama that spawned from this idiot who apparently hates your happiness: comments.deviantart.com/5/3729…
What was the proposal like?

Well, since the ring swap hasn't happened yet (that will be happening in less than 24 hours at the time of writing )... that's why I have false nails on, so I can take a nice photo of our blinged up hands WITHOUT my fingers looking incredibly stumpy next to his great big shovel hands. The actual proposal happened while... sat on my bed. He said, 'we should get engaged'. He doesn't know this, but I cried quietly whilst hugging him.

Was your family around?

Errmm... noooo... They found out soon after though.

Was it at Christmas-time?

It was about a month ago! But since we started going out on New Year's Day, Mark decided that would be the right time to swap the rings. Plus, we hadn't bought them yet. He didn't want to spring something on me that I wouldn't like stuck on my finger forever, perhaps.

How did it come up?

Apparently he'd been stewing on it for months but it seemed completely out of the blue to me! Until he told me that, I had just thought it was spontaneous pillow talk.

How long have you known each other? Did you meet him completely IRL, or is it possible that you two are one of the lucky matches made in E-heaven?

We've been going out for exactly 3 years but we've known each other roughly 4. We met at our Kenjutsu and street fighting classes. I think we probably punched eached other before knowing each other's names.

Are we going to hear any news about beautiful children in the future?

I definitely want a sprog at some point - I think he does too! Just one though - I already have a skunk - she's like a toddler anyway. A toddler who pees under the desk.

How have you reacted to the people that have, as we've seen, reacted to your announcement in ways that are... not so polite?

With complete confusion. ... and... well, okay, maybe a bit of bitchiness.
It's not just random journal comments I have to look out for - his grandparents' response to the whole thing was 'but you haven't got any money', and that was it - no congratulations to him or anything. Not that I've spoken to them for months... not since I yelled down the phone at his Nana for locking him in the house when he grew a beard.

And is there anything else you'd like the forumers to know about the nuptials, etc. ?

I don't know anything about it myself yet. When I do, if any forum buddies are able to come and they want to, they'd most likely be welcome (unless they're creepy).

Creme de la Creme!

      Best Threads!
Surprise! by TaiStormsword
Bread makes you racist. by Jevsy
Surprise! by TaiStormsword
Bread makes you racist. by Jevsy
DameGreyWulf by Biog33k






      Best Comments!
betchplz. I'm more ribbed than a durex extra pleasure condom. by Thebuild
It means he secretly wants to pat your nookie, WITH HIS GROIN!! by line-melte
Says the kid with the dick that resembles Chapstick. by BleedLikeAGod
Maybe they all took a trip down to the clinic one day and had themselves tested. Maybe they all went out and had a lovely meal afterwards to celebrate. by atomic-matty
Olive oil goes on the chicken I bake, not the chicken I jerk! by Felissauria
Or I could spray some mace into her bottle of lube.  That might be fun. At least then the screams would be real. by wordlesswhisper
What? People are drawing things they enjoy?! BLASPHEMY. by Luppa
And lo, on the 1,467,505,317th day there was borneth a fish which had slightly mutated cervical vertebrae, which thus enabled it to better raise its head to breathe air while its body remained submerged. And God saw that it was good and proclaimed that it was good. by AbCat
I don't believe in bushes. I mean, I know they're everywhere. But I've decided not to acknowledge their existence. I mean, trees are tall. They have leaves and branches. Bushes are just...bushy. I don't get it. by Juliabohemian
They must think highly of you, if they believe that only the infinite power of God is enough to make you a skilled artist. by T-LOID
On the other hand it could've also been a strange man with a white moustache and a weird foot fetish. by Seekrit
'I've changed it to "newest" rather than DD.' Yeah, that's a real step up in quality there. by LoboSabio
There'll be a black market for child tentacle porn! I mean an even blacker one than there is now. by zombie-krankenhaus
...oh wait, you weren't talking about his penis. nevermind. by triplechin
It's perfectly fine to find something pretty without worshipping it, 'kay? Otherwise I'd have had several shrines to my Barbies and My Little Ponies when I was younger. Oh shit, wait, I did. Er, nevermind. by Amberhawk
And that's an insult to manatees EVERYWHERE. by Agent-Sarah
I guess you're stuck with a career shoveling goblin shit. by sbkMulletMan
You know when you need help pooping it's serious. by jellysocks
Because a vision softlyyyy creeeeeping, Left its seeds while I was sleeping... Aaand the vision that was planted in my brain. Still remains. Withiin the sooound... of silence... by Aarfy and ToySkunk
you mean you can't move your mouth all over your face? The next thing you know, you are trying to convince me that eyebrows and eyes don't make hair locally transparant by Crimson-diabloS
Like dressing up, toys, and any other fetish out there. /sees the pictures ...Oh. Okay THOSE are fucked up. by Zagittorch
Washing dishes must be a pain since your subconscious would always be trying to knife you. by Dallas-13
There should be a product invented for that problem. It can be called the Manly Pad. The vile jokes just keep coming! by mngamojemo
Satan, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot bite, the courage to bite the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. by mngamojemo
Ah, Sigmund! Still trying to get laid I see.
Already have, with your mother.
Who hasn't? But I always knew you were a mother fucker.
Bitch please, shut yo mouf cracker befo I pop a cap in yo ass by LudwigvanKickass2 and Edward-Fap
Or electrified bras. Nothing says "no" like discovering the buxom female you're groping is wearing TaserTits under that top. by JAG-01
TaserTits, TaserTits
tazing gropers into fits
just one touch
and then they're out.
Pervy gropers can't help but pout.
Look out, here come TASER TITS! by valatdeviantart
Good luck. Gallipoli went off better than your report will. by LoboSabio
Pfft. Come on, kid. I wear heels bigger than your penis. by Tzofiyah
Maybe they didn't quero Taco Bell. by VernonDraws
...This girl Karen starts blabbing about the night she had last night. You've only just met her and you feel uncomfortable, and you can't stop staring at her crooked yellow teeth and that black spot on her tongue. Is she a dog or something? by martypunker
Maybe you're just jealous that they didn't invite you to the lovely meal. by atomic-matty
I was retarded when I was small. I wanted to be a plane. by wish-sticks
I can hear you masturbating to yourself all the way in California, dude. It's disgusting. by Hurricanrana
Even then, I'd rather listen to a bunch of misanthropic social darwinists' meta-whining than your holier-than-thou monologues. by poetryle
Can people jump the shark? I thought it was just television shows. by mngamojemo
Only time I've ever heard German sound sexy was when David Hasselhoff said something in German. by Sane-Intolerant
Also, FatAndProud = FAP. by Aldarune
That would totally clog up your popes. by P-Ish
WOW. HIS ENGLISH IS REALLY GOOD FOR A GIBBERESE. by Stykera
Are you gay because your parents gave you such a dumb name? by SaiScribbles
Tell me when they do one that's actually interesting like an expose of Paladino's secret bestiality farms. by AvSkyggene

Idiots of the Month

      Worst Threads!
I think I am obsessed with black people by BrandonPilcher
The best ones are gay... by kk4christ777
You don't always have to be nice (comments) by NightmareRising
what to do about nazis on the internet by Zborik
I think I am obsessed with black people by BrandonPilcher
The best ones are gay... by kk4christ777
You don't always have to be nice (comments) by NightmareRising
what to do about nazis on the internet by Zborik
Citizen Kane by TrueSoprano
MS paint beginnner wondering what all the buttons are and how to use them! by VladFan20
"Deviant of the Year" by BleedLikeAGod
remove the ban limit and restrict group comments plox? by SydneyNightshade
buttmefuggershlut by Yokneegrow
I need somone in NY to call 911 NOW! by Fish234
Japanese Tutor wanted by Redwallfan2000



      Worst Comments!
i am here for art, not all this drama by CReevesABudd
Much of the stuff I say is either a lie or not 100% serious. by BleedLikeAGod
And insulting a way someone is is stupid... by MacStarVA
God made Eve from Adams ribs. Not Steve. by nikla-1
ahh, well dont take your anger for your drunk-ass husband on me, hag by raggthehedgehog
You can fuck your face. Cause i am right by Plushy-Chu
I would prefer America stay America. If you let everyone in, its no longer America. by sugarpoultry
I don't get angry about many things, but seeing white women with non whites pisses me off so much. by jHart88
I think everyone should pledge to their country, and to God. If you disagree, perhaps you need to find somewhere you can whole-heartedly pledge allegiance to. by VDGG
Teenagers get married because they're naive and retarded. Adults get married because they love each other. Big difference. by Aapis
the government shouldn't need to take care of all our problems. what good is there in that? I feel for you but you need to solve your own problems. by Princess-of-Sorrow
You tryin' tah pick a fight bro cuz I'll cut you up real good I'm a Meskan so just try me, hombre. by Sottaceti



          _{sorted alphabetically!}

Groups

      dA Political Forum Club
For those who regular the Politics forum, this one's for you!
      DAPoliticalForumClub

      Deviant News Network
Get news on the news: News articles featured here to keep you up to date on what's going down around deviantART.
      DeviantNewsNetwork

      Disgruntled Deviants
A group for regulars of the Complaints Forum, and the Complaints Tavern.
      DisgruntledDeviants

      Grievances
Any forumer should know of it: The deviantART group for forum whores and loving lurkers alike.
      Grievances

      Internet Memes
The title sums it up: Like memes? Join now!
      internetmemes

      LOL-sonas
For all your sparkly fursonas, here you'll find the best of the best in lulzy furry things. Serious 'sonas need not apply.
      LOL-sonas

      lolwat
Your favorite plz is also a group!
      lolwat

      The Complaints Tavern
A group for regulars of the Complaints-themed chatroom, TheComplaintsTavern.
      TheComplaintsTavern

      The La Club
If you like ...
      TheLaClub

      Vuvuzela Orchestra
For the lovers of the great music of the Vuvuzela, and those who just enjoy going BZZZZZZZZ.
      VuvuzelaOrchestra

Submitting to the Forum Newsletter

      Where to Submit
Send all submissions of any sort in a note to bohobella.
      Provide Links
Always provide links to anything you want to submit. Make sure when submitting a comment you link directly to that comment. To get the link to a comment in a thread, right click (control-click for macs) on the comment's time stamp (next to the username, ex: 37 minutes ago) and click "Copy Link Location". Paste this into the note.

In the next issue...

      We'll play Newsletter matchmaker in honor of the sell out holiday of the season: Valentine's Day!

Until next time, happy foruming.

_{Devious Credits
Written by bohobella
Comments/threads organized by LOVEintheSNOW
No thanks to TheComplaintsTavern regulars for insight and quotes.
And love to all who submitted comments & threads!}